I'm gonna be real, i really thought i was going last tribal and i really didn't think i'd be in final 3 so I have no idea what to write for this. This game was frustrating for me as a player and i've honestly never really had to play the way i did in this game. Early on our tribe lost the first two tribals and I had to vote out people i felt pretty good about going forward which was a super huge let down but the swap brought new prospects for my game. I had bonded early with jason and unfortunately we ended up on different tribes. This caused me to have to make new bonds with Dawn and Daulton as well as David. Dawn and I had spoken about sticking together since we were the only girls and I was all for that completely and was loving the idea because in the time i've spent playing orgs I don't really think i've had a female close ally. Later on in the swaps I also bonded a bit with sharky which would honestly become a huge part of my game later on.  Once merge hit I feel like I was in a really good spot pretty much directly in the middle, so I thought. I had my close ties with Dawn as well as Jason, Daulton and Sharky. Things quickly took a turn for me though and i felt backed into a corner after Dawn left. The honest truth is Dawn wanted to go for Daulton but I feel like it was too early to make a move like that which is ultimately why I couldn't save her but I tried really hard it almost ruined my entire game. I threw Rob's name out that round as well as Sharky's and Brian's as an attempt to save Dawn which sort of made it a little hard for me to continue in the game with people and from this point I really had to just lay down and die and take whatever Sharky's plan was as it came. Mat's vote out I tried again to save him. This round was a weird one for me this is sort of where I realized I was viewed as useless by most of the tribe either because they were invested in other people or because they just didn't trust me I don't really know that much. I was a bit desperate to get a move for myself to claim as mine and get revenge for Dawn. No one knows this except Jason I think but in my confessional, after Dawn's vote out I was so annoyed with the round I said I was going to get sharky out if it was the last thing i could do. Unfortunately that didn't happen but not from lack of trying. When Jason came up with the plan to go for brian the round mat left I went to Brian trying to warn him to come up with a different plan but he never messaged me back. Literally that round solidified that I would just have to become Sharky's best friend if I wanted to make it to the end. I went to sharky for almost everything and I actually started to feel sorta badly that I had worked so closely with him and only did that because I wanted him out. At this point luke also wasn't talking to me so it made making any sort of move to make my game not be a goat game pretty much impossible. My only option that I didn't explore was Rob but I figured since Brian and Luke already weren't speaking to me that it was pretty obvious that Rob wouldn't either, which i'm sorry if that was the incorrect assumption to make. So my BIG move this season? Becoming a close to sharky as I did as well as jason, It literally got me to this point and i'm hoping that maybe my game was  good enough for the way i was forced to play given the cast and my lack of options. I'm very much a player that NEVER cuts off any option from a game that's why usually i'm a social threat because i'll work with anyone at any point in the game if i think it'll benefit me but unfortunately that's just not how this game worked out. The last big point I want to touch on for my gameplay is the idol cutes and reward wins they were really the only shot I had at making any play and getting my game to where I wanted it to be. I found the idol after my second reward win which I worked HARD on my dutch for that win LOL but honestly based on how the immunities worked out the idol really wasn't of use for me. The only option that I think might have been a good idea now is if i saved Rob with it but at the time Rob and I weren't speaking and I didn't feel comfortable using something I might need later to save someone that might not be on my side which would have just made myself a bigger target in the long run. My goals after none of my moves worked out were to lay low keep my target as small as possible play my social game cling tightly to sharky and let everyone underestimate me. I'm not horrible at comps Abstaining from so many was partly strategy so that I could maybe win some things later (which i sort of did) and also because this game had pretty unfortunate timing as far as finals and the holidays. 

I wanted to take a second to address each person on the jury because I feel like i have a few specific things I want to say to each of you. 

Aleks: I really didn't want you to go tbh but unfortunately most people felt like your head just wasn't in the game and I really do hope that you are feeling better about all that was happening during the season and I genuinely wish we could have talked more I have a lot of questions I've been curious about since we've become friends on facebook but it isn't something I just wanted to spring on you I was hoping to get to know you a little better first, yeah nothing really game related here just genuinely hope you're feeling better.

Dawn: you are a firecracker and I had every intention of being totally loyal to you and i'm so soo sooo sorry I didn't get the chance to save you and I WISH i had found the idol sooner. too little too late i guess and i'm sorry.

Mat: I really hope you don't feel like I snaked you. I genuinely was being honest with you during Dawn's vote out and during your own. I was told by Jason at the very end of the round close to the due date that Daulton told him if I didn't vote you out and told anyone that I would be going and honestly after Dawn's vote out where I threw everyone under the bus I really thought that was a real possibility and you know what I still told you you were being voted out anyways. You're another one that if I had found the idol sooner I would have used it on you and i'm sorry I found it so late. 

Brian: BRIAN BRIAN BRIAN LIKE LOOK ok I know i'm supposed to kiss ass and try to get everyone's voted but listen man if you had LITERALLY answered my pm we could have made something happen. You can ask the hosts I was spamming my confessional thread saying this is ridiculous brian's getting voted out and he literally just won't pm me back so that we can figure something else out. smh I really wish that that wasn't a missed opportunity I think the game would have been WAY better but it is what it is and i'm sorry I didn't try to have a stronger social connection with you so that you would actually answer my pm when it's important !! 

Rob: honestly when doing this reflection I realized I should have pm'd you. If i had this game wouldn't have been so dull and maybe you would have trusted me moving forward I was an open book after dawn left it's just sharky was the one willing to give me the chance and I know you think i'm a goat and that my game is probably trash  and that's totally my fault for not attempting to talk to you but after trying with brian and luke I assumed it would be the same thing with you and i'm sorry if that was wrong and i cut off a road that could have been great. 

Luke: genuinely wish we spoke more. Early on i felt really good about you considering dawn felt good about you so i thought we were good by extension which was probably wrong but i was busy irl and didn't put in the time i needed to with you. that's probably why later down the line you didn't feel like giving me a chance which is fine. For what it's worth you probably played the best game this season and i'm sorry you had to go when you did. 

Daulton: OOOOF I think i had no chance at your vote in the first place but i totally killed any chance i had before you left by saying i didn't respect your game, but honestly it was a bit like if i could convince you to go to the tiebreaker with jason instead of me i'd have a guaranteed shot at final 3 and I tried every angle I could to get that guaranteed spot that included trying to scare you it was dirty and I shouldn't have done it but I felt justified based on how jason told me you threatened us during mat's vote out and then forced us to revote and almost forced rocks for rob's vote out. I felt very backed into a corner this season by you multiple times so i thought well I might as well give it back if i'm leaving anyways. But it wasn't personal at all it was part of the game and if it had worked that would have been great but it didn't and I probably am in no way getting your vote but I hope you understand why I had to try it. 

Now lastly I'm just going to say why I think I deserve AT LEAST your consideration for your vote. I was an underdog this season and almost everything I tried to do massively failed with only minor blow-ups in my face. I think the fact that I failed so often this season and still managed to get to the end is sort of impressive?? I mean I don't know but usually someone makes a mistake it blows up in their face and they get voted out but with me that just wasn't the case because I knew the path I needed to take once the things I wanted to happen didn't work out. I would also say somewhat to an extent my social game wasnt terrible I really wished I had a chance to sort of work with others and I failed by not making the bonds earlier than when I needed them but the social game is what got me to final 3 I wouldn't be here without it. I genuinely don't know how the jury views my game and I'm hoping I don't get tooooo ripped apart by you all. The merge really was lit tons of drama almost every round and lots of nail biting moments because I spent most of the merge not trusting anyone. It was fun and I honestly can't wait to hear your reactions to the season. Oh and thanks to the hosts you really were great this season and thank you for casting me!!